Help my unbelief.

If you didn't know, my husband is the youth director at our church. He’s in a series right now called, What’s in the Box? He asked the youth kids to place any question they have about God into this box and he would write his message around one of them every week. The question this week was, Why doesn't God open the door sooner?

The question got me thinking, what if God never opens the door we want Him to? What if what we think is our greatest desire is never given to us? I’m gonna be honest those questions make my armpits sweat. I have dreams and goals that I would love to see come to pass. I can’t help but feel disappointed thinking about my desires for my life being left unfulfilled. 

This thread of questions landed me on Moses. Moses led the Israelites in the desert for 40 years and never got to see the Promised Land.The thing he thought he wanted most never came to fruition. Why? Because like the other Israelites he lacked faith. In a moment of weakness, he acted out of a faithless place, and God told him,“Because you did not trust me enough to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel, you will not lead them into the land I am giving them!”-Numbers 20:12

Reading this I am taken back to all the times I have acted out of doubt or disbelief. I still do more often than I want to admit. My mistrust in God is made very apparent when I consider my future. I often doubt if He will really come through for me. I second guess Him. I don’t doubt that God is real or that Jesus died for me; I know that is true with all my heart. I doubt if I trust Him enough for His holiness to be demonstrated in my life. 

Every day this week I asked God to place something in my path that would remind me to not be lukewarm in my faith. As the words left my mouth, I could feel my hands getting a little sweaty. Later that day I was volunteering at the food pantry here in town. I volunteer with my friend Bonnie who is a really close friend, and she’s always getting me out of my comfort zone when it comes to prayer. 

Bonnie was my lukewarm check for the day as she asked me to pray for a fellow volunteer and then again over a man’s hurt hand. She’s consistently asking me to pray over people and I can’t express to her enough how grateful I am. Because I don’t want to be timid in living out my faith. I want to get out of the way and allow God to work through me so that His name receives ALL the glory. 

I tell God all the time that I trust Him. My prayer is that my actions and my words would reflect that trust. That I wouldn't just talk the talk.That I would live in a way that would show others that I completely trust God with every part of my life. 

I’m here to inform you that most of the time I do not live this way. I am a major work in progress; we all are. I was really hesitant to share this post today because I was afraid to look messy and admit my doubts. But then I remembered that fear is a liar and that in the midst of my unbelief I must go to the Lord for help. 

Because here’s the truth: if God doesn’t ever open another door for me or give me anything else I want, my salvation is enough. My salvation fulfills every desire that I could ever have. My prayer for us is that we would truly believe that and live it. Live knowing we’ve been set free. Live knowing we are loved. His grace is all we need. We can rest knowing that we’ve been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. 

“I believe; help my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24