Let it out.

Some of my most honest conversations with God happen while I’m driving. I’m not sure if this is the safest thing because I usually end up crying. There’s something about driving that helps me clear my mind and pour my heart out to God. Today was one of those days. Words and things I didn't even know I was struggling with came flowing out of my mouth. I was letting it all out to God and I could just feel His spirit wrapping around me in a big bear hug. My prayers were honest and real; it was such a sacred drive.  

It’s funny how we want to present ourselves as having it all together to a God that knows all too well that we don’t. 

I catch myself falling into that pattern with my prayer life. I go into prayer with an expectation to have all the words strung together so tidy and neat. That’s never the case. I remember that He knows me better than I even know myself. My defenses come crashing down and I am a beautiful mess at the feet of my Father. 

Recently, I’ve been more interested in my personality and how I function. I thought I knew how my brain worked, but the more I read about my personality type the more my eyes are opened to just how clueless I am. It’s kind of mind blowing. One thing I’ve learned about myself through this process is I can’t stand being fake. It physically pains me to act like I’m ok when I’m not. I’m not good at stuffing my feelings, in fact I’m so bad at it that every emotion I’m experiencing shows in my face. Despite all my efforts, I can’t hide how I really feel. When it comes to prayer, I know exactly when I attempting to hide things from God.

Remember the game Operation? You know the one where you have to place all the body parts in the body without touching the tiny tongs to the metal sides and if you do, you get buzzed. That’s how I feel when I’m not being genuine to God and to others. It’s like a buzz in my spirit that immediately gets my attention. I’m reminded that it’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to be honest about what’s going on. There’s nothing we could ever say that would take God by surprise. No prayer is too scary or too big for Him. He knows our hearts because He designed them! You don’t need to put on a mask of fake perfection to go to God in prayer. He sees right through it. 

God doesn't want to hear from the one whose got it all together, there’s no such thing. He wants our messy and our broken. He wants to hear our real, unfiltered prayers. 

I pray through this post I was able to be a friend to you today patting your back telling you to let it all out. That’s what prayer is for. We let everything out to God. Our struggles and our pain, lies we’ve believed and hurts we’ve endured. Tell it all to your Father. And when you're done, take a deep breath and praise Him! Make a gratitude list to remind yourself that you're not defeated. Get back up and get back to what God has called you to do in this life; love Him and love His people. 

Give thanks to the One who never leaves you and always provides.