What God taught me at 20

Hey y’all! 

So I know I slacked last week but I have a good reason, I turned 21! It was basically a birthday week, which my husband thinks is absolutely ridiculous, but it was such a blast!! My excuse is that it was a milestone birthday so it won’t be a grand week long celebration every year…we’ll see about that. 

I’ve always been a big fan of birthdays. When I was younger my parents would combine my brother and I’s birthdays and throw a giant blow out party. We had bouncy houses, waterslides, snow cones, food for days, and always SO many guests. My childhood birthday parties are some of my favorite memories.

As I got older the tradition of having a birthday celebration never stopped. I would say I’ve had some sort of birthday party every year of my life. Some smaller than others but there is always, without fail, a celebration. 

This year was a bit different. Not with the celebrating but with how I felt on my birthday. You’ve probably experienced someone asking you if you “feel different” now that you're a year older. I’ve always answered no, but this year I actually felt a little more grown up for some reason. 

As I began to look back on my 20th year it became clear to me why I feel different. It’s not just that I’m a year older, it’s that I am closer to God than I’ve ever been. 

This past year God has really called me to dive deep into my relationship with Him. He has kicked down so many walls that I had built up against Him. He has exposed broken parts within me that I had tried so hard to bury. He has rewritten parts of my story by going back and showing me that even in my darkest times, He was there.    

He has not only exposed my brokenness but has also taught me that healing is necessary. I’ve always been scared of healing. With healing comes confession, hard conversations, and lots of tears. And I’ve had a lot of those this year. I’m not saying I’m completely healed, because I won’t be until I’m home with Jesus, but this year the process really started. The process of bringing things to the light that had been in the dark for so many years.

We often convince ourselves that keeping things in the dark is the best solution. We can’t imagine ever confessing to anyone. What would they think? 

I can tell you with full confidence that confessing is hard. It’s uncomfortable and embarrassing, but also extremely necessary. You see, when we keep things hidden out of fear of what people will think we are driving a wedge between us and God. We are showing God that He isn't big enough to handle all of our mess so we might as well keep it inside. Life will go on, no one needs to know. 

This way of thinking is not from God. Let the voice of God drown out the voice of shame and fear.

If you're struggling with confessing something I know how you feel, trust me. But the overwhelming sense of freedom you experience when you do is incredible. You don't have to tell

the whole world, just start with someone you can confide in. In my experience, a lot of the people I’ve told have struggled with the same things I had.

I could honestly write a novel about confession but I’m gonna stop myself here. I originally started this post to tell you all the things about my birthday and what God has taught me this past year. I kinda stuck to that, but this end result in so much better than what I had planned. The importance of confession and the acceptance of healing are really the most important lessons I’ve learned this year, and am still continuing to learn.

I’ll end it here by saying thank you Jesus for giving me the courage to be honest. Thank you for all the life changing conversations I thought I would never have. Thank you for being patient with me and always loving me. Thank you for reminding me what You say about me and how You see me. May everything I say and do be used to glorify your beautiful name. 

Thank you for my 20th year.