BE YOURSELF

Lately God has been tugging at my heart and telling me to embrace who I am. I know that seems heavy for just a little blog post but it’s been something that I haven’t really been good at and wanted to share with y’all. 

A little background, I am a very sensitive person. I feel things so deeply. I cry on like a regular basis but not because I’m sad! Crying is how I express my emotion happy, sad, mad, excited, frustrated, etc. It’s just how I process things and I've always thought of it as a character flaw. I thought I was too emotional, too much to handle and that I should suppress that part of me because it would freak people out. 

And trust me, I’ve really tried to suppress it but it usually doesn't work out. I once started crying while I was leading a song at church and couldn't get myself together so the band just played as I wiped my eyes and tried to sing. So embarrassing haha! 

Another reason why I’ve tried to get rid of this part of me is because I was so wrapped up with what people think of me. I’ve been told my crying is sweet and sensitive, but I’ve also been laughed at and told that I needed to stop because I was “freaking them out”. 

While we’re on the subject I might as well talk about a character flaw I've had that God doesn't want me accept but has actually been calling me to overcome. Here we go…

People pleasing is another thing that has run my life. It’s not something God wants me to embrace, like my crying, it’s actually something that I need to break free from. I wasn't planning on talking about this in the post but I can’t tell one side and not the other. My whole life I have lived in this place of wanting people to like me, needing the approval of others, and not being able to function if someone is mad at me or doesn't like me. It’s crippling and so toxic. And the sad news is, I still give in to it at times and let it run me. 

In high school is when I realized I had this people pleasing problem. If I got in a fight with a friend I did everything and anything to win their forgiveness even if it wasn't anything I did. I would let people run all over me and continue to go back to them time and time again, hurt after hurt after hurt. 

I started this post to talk about embracing my sensitivity and how you should embrace who God made you to be, but I’m so glad we ended up here. This isn't something I’ve really talked about that much because it makes me sound weak. Facing the fact that I have been a door mat many times to many different people is hard to swallow. It saddens me to look back on high school Sofia and remember how I let people treat me. I just want to shake the 16 year old me and yell “YOU ARE MADE FOR MORE THAN THIS!” 

But at that time 16 year old Sofia was doing the best she could. She was doing what she thought was right and was just trying to be “nice” and a “good person”. 

16 year old Sofia didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus. 

16 year old Sofia didn't know that she was made to be a strong woman of God. 

Please don't take this as me throwing a pity party for myself because that’s the LAST thing I want to do. I’m sharing this part of me because I want to encourage anyone who has struggled with people pleasing, embracing who they are, or feeling worthy of God’s love. 

God has created you to embrace your personality. Whether that be crying, or laughing. Sensitive or tough, those are the details that God has so intricately put together to make you into who you are. 

But there are some parts of our personalities that are not healthy. Parts that we in our humanness have taken on. If you have something in your personality that is becoming toxic I encourage you to surrender it to God. Ask Him to take it from you, and set you free from it. It won’t be a short process. It will be something you are always striving to overcome, but by giving it to the Lord you are allowing Him to slowly heal the broken parts.

The truth is, we are all children of God. He has made us to spread His name to the ends of the earth and has given us each a unique personality to do so. Embrace who God made YOU to be. And ask God to take the parts of your heart that are broken and heal them. Because He will. He’s just that good and He’s just that kind.   

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ~Psalm 139:14-16

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~Ephesians 2:10

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. ~Romans 12:6-8

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. ~Romans 12:2