Freedom in 2018

So I’m just gonna say it, I’ve been a slacker. I let two weeks go by without putting up a blog post and if I don’t put one up NOW I will never do it again. That might seem harsh to most of y’all but lately I have been coming to accept the harsh reality that I sometimes quit things. I don’t want to call myself a quitter because there have been things I have kept at and excelled in, but there have definitely been times in my life where I have just quit. 

Quitting is something that I have struggled with most of my life and have never really confronted until December of this year. I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about the new year and how people make resolutions. Now, I have never been one to make resolutions because deep down I know I won’t follow through. In the podcast she explained how instead of rushing to make resolutions we should take a look back at our year. She began to describe how at the end of the year she looks back on what God has done and journals about it (journaling is something I have on and off quit several times). She went on explaining the process and how she makes two columns: the good things and the bad things that have happened that year. As she looks at her finished list she prays over it and thanks God for both the good and the bad, and she explained how God is in ALL things even the most broken parts of our year.

After I heard this I was so pumped! I ran to my room and made my columns and saw how the good outweighed the bad, but the bad was full of pain and memories that I didn't want to dig up. Tears began staining my journal page as I dug up the bad things from 2017. In that moment I could feel God speaking to me through this process. Reminding me that He has rescued me from my sin and shame. That the bad things from 2017 were actually turned into good. 

He used the bad things to heal my soul, to remind me of who He is, and to bring me closer to Him. 

I do NOT like addressing past feelings and hurt. I mean, who does? But, if you are struggling with how this year has gone try this out and see how God speaks to your heart. You will be amazed.

After this journaling exercise I felt God telling me to write down everything that I want to happen and that I want to get better at in this coming year. Now, I know I just told y’all I don't like digging up past things. Another thing I don't really like is looking ahead and planning (I know, I’m weird). Yes I said it. The idea of looking ahead and being honest with what I want to do and what I need to do to get there scares me. 

I began to write and one page turned into three pages. I taped them to my mirror and prayed over them asking God to give me the motivation and strength to accomplish these things. Don’t get me wrong they weren't all big things. I put things on there like drink more water, go to sleep earlier, don’t give up blogging. But the point of it was I was not letting fear take over. I was being intentional about addressing the past and looking forward to the future. I was being honest with God and letting Him bring things to the light that I wanted to hide from.

I’ve heard people say countless times that writing things down make them more real and you are more likely to accomplish them. I knew it was something I should probably do but always shied away from. Well, I don't know about the long run affects but writing all of my heart’s desires down on paper made them so much more real for me. Dedicating these desires to God made them feel possible. Taping them to my mirror and intentionally seeing them everyday somehow gave me freedom. 

Freedom from pushing things down and not facing them. Freedom from procrastination. Freedom from trying to hide my weaknesses from God. 

In 2018 I want to stop quitting. I want to stop living out of a place of fear. I want to be intentional with every aspect of my life. I want God to be at work in EVERYTHING because without God nothing works. If you are feeling discouraged about failing at resolutions I want you to not lose heart. Stop living out of a place of fear. Let this year be the one where you are honest with yourself and God. Ask Him into every part of your life and watch how He will heal your soul.