He is close to the brokenhearted

We all have things in our past that have scarred us. We have wounds that have shaped who we are. We all have our own stories. 

Last night in my youth small group we each went around sharing our highs and lows for the week. When I got to my low I burst into tears. I kinda surprised myself because I hadn't realized that I had been struggling that week. Sure, I had a lot of things on my mind and things I knew I had to work through but I was trying to forget about them. Despite all of my best efforts the pain of my wounds came bursting through as I shared my low for the week with my high school girls. 

Honestly in that moment I felt like a fool. I felt weak showing this overflow of emotion in front of the young women I’m supposed to be leading. As I finished my turn and looked around at all of the girls faces I thought I had freaked them out. I was so sure that I had made them want to never come back to youth. But, God is always good and what I saw as embarrassment God used for something greater. As we went around the table sharing highs and lows the girls opened up more than I've ever seen. There were tears, broken hearts, and breakthroughs. What I saw as weakness God turned around and used for comfort. 

A lot of times when we hear someone's testimony we think “well I've never been through something that bad so I have no right to share my struggles”. Trust me, that thought has gone through my head so many times. But as I showed my vulnerability yesterday God used it as a tool to open those girls hearts. When we show people we are human and become vulnerable we open so many unique opportunities to get to know them. Our relationships become deeper and stronger. God has given each of us a story that He has so skillfully and beautifully written. He has given our stories to us as gift. A gift we can use to relate to others, a gift that can bring people to Him. 

So as I addressed earlier this week has been tough. I had a really honest conversation with my mom and things that I had stuffed deep down came pouring out. Things that I have never healed from. Things that I have stuffed for years and are now coming up and showing themselves. I really wasn't feelin’ it this week. The down hill began on Sunday when I heard about the Sutherland Springs tragedy. My heart is broken for the people of that church. I can’t imagine the despair and anger they are feeling. In my prayer time on Monday I asked God “why?”. Why must evil take over so often in our world? Why must the innocent die? 

When evil things happen we always have the question of why. But we have a choice. We can look up at God and shake our fists or we can fall on our knees and praise the One who is greater than the pain. We can look up with tears streaming down our faces and remember that God is always good. He is always faithful. He will deliver you from this pain just as he delivered Job. It won’t be easy or pain free. But, “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” Romans 8:28 

I apologize that this week’s post is kinda all over the place. I have just been surrounded by hurt this week and wanted to remind y’all that God has given us all a beautifully crafted story that can bring people to Him. And, in the devastating parts of our story He never leaves us. I want to leave y’all with a verse that my sweet friend Katie reminded me of this week, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers them from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them is broken.” Psalms 34:18-20